Monday, June 21, 2021


 

Down To Earth

Christina Rose



Examining Patriarchy and Matriarchy: Can They Ever Hold Hands?



 Darnell Moore, author of No Ashes in the Fire : Coming of Age Black and Free in America" told Krista Tippet, podcaster, "I don’t want to become a better man, because you all know, what I’ve been told manhood is, it’s not anything I’m trying to aspire to. I want to become a better human person . . .  So I talk about un-becoming — not becoming a man, but what it might mean to un-become: our failing at this project, this cage of ideas of manhood. I think to me that is where our freedom lies." From the podcast: On Being with Krista Tippet


I am a fan of On Being  and recently they did a show  by the new translators of the work of poet Rainer Maria Rilke. He wrote: “Perhaps the genders are more closely related than people think. The great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in this: that male and female, freed from all false feelings and disinclinations, do not seek each other as objects, but rather as siblings and neighbors, to become human together, simply, seriously, and patiently helping each other bear the burden that sexuality has placed on them.”

and

“One day, the girl and the woman who don’t define themselves in masculine terms but as something in themselves, female humans, will require no other completion. 

So much to think about there. Imagine having grown up alone on a desert island where no culture had an effect your gender. No one to preen for, survival would be the constant goal. Whether man or woman, the goal of each day would be food and protection. 

How does that change in terms of male and female though? What would be the outcome for the island under the auspices of a man or a woman?

About a year ago, I met a young woman who was driving her car and repeatedly backed up and went forward to hit my car. I was called from my house by the local niƱos to come and see. 


Over a week or two, this young lady and I had many conversations. (The first one started with, 'What the heck are you doing to my car?')

 

Well, everything happens for a reason. Once we got past the damage to my car, we talked often and not relatedly.  It turned out she was a student of Feminist Studies at the local college and she told me, "People keep talking about the Patriarchy but I don't even know how to imagine another way of life."


For most mainstream Americans, the idea of a Matriarchy isn't even on the radar. Some may talk about it, but most people can't imagine what it would look like.  I sent her to a website that included good information.


First, as a teaser, this:

WEBSTERS DICTIONARY

Websters defines Feminism: belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

Websters defines Masculinism:

1. masculinity.

2. an attempt to protect masculine traits and qualities against the assaults of 

militant feminism. 


Whoa. Wait. What?! Women advocate for equality and men are attempting to protect themselves against the assaults of feminism?


To me, that sums up the problem with a BIG FAT bow. 


Women, like everyone else who has not been the Holder of Power for the last couple thousand years, just want to be treated with respect and equality but for some reason, men need to take up arms against that. 


As Darnell Moore said in that podcast, that’s just getting tired and old. 


In researching patriarchy, almost all of the articles I came across were written by feminists. Men just don’t seem to want to talk about it. “Peace in Patriarchy is war against women,” wrote Maria Mies, author of Patriarchy and Accumulation on a World Scale. I would say that we need to add a color scale to that. White Male Patriarchy is a war against anyone else.


Communities all over the country are examining this right now but so far, people seem confused about where to look for change. I did a little research and offer up this next article because while some of us thought the police were about protecting people, it has become clear they thought their job was to protect white people from other people who may not have been dangerous. That is Protecting the Patriarchy on steroids, over-reacting to their own perceived fears without any balance, at all. A total lack of Matriarchy.


Women biologically were intended to nurture, men to protect. Women bear children and were born with skills that help them care for them on a very deep level. Telepathy between mothers and children is not unusual. 


Men are instinctually protective, born that way to keep their families safe. But in a family, as well as the world, without matriarchal balance, that protection overruns everything.  In business and government, no nurturing is allowed. Not in law, in business, in the justice system and beyond.


There have been matriarchal societies. Let's see how they rolled, from the website  ScienceStruck.com, which I did not write. I did edit it somewhat for brevity, with my occasional comments found in parentheses. 


Clearly, not all of the answers are here and there is plenty that is irrelevant but it gives a clear idea of how the mainstream patriarchy is working on overkill, so to speak.


Patriarchy v. Matriarchy

https://sciencestruck.com/matriarchy-vs-patriarchy


The social scene of the world has always been dominated by two seemingly opposing concepts, viz. matriarchy and patriarchy. Matriarchy refers to a kind of society dominated by women, patriarchy is a social system in which males play a dominant role. 


Archaeological and historical studies tell us that ancient societies, which we know today were pagan in nature, were essentially matriarchal. Not only were the women respected but they held important roles and were worshipped with divine mothers or mother goddesses. (By the way, the word pagan is derived from the word paganos, which simply means country person. CR)


As social and religious structures evolved,  authority gradually transferred to males, giving rise to patriarchy. In literal terms, matriarchy refers to the rule by the mother(s), whereas patriarchy refers to the rule by the father(s). (But there are Matriarchal men and Patriarchal women. CR)


There are a number of obvious differences between the two social systems.


The Meaning

Matriarchy is essentially a woman-oriented society, wherein all the leadership and authority rest in the hands of women.


Patriarchy, on the other hand, is a social system, wherein males enjoy all the powers, control, and authority, and women are given subordinate roles.


(Leadership and authority rests in the hands of women. Males enjoy power, control and authority. Note that difference. CR)


The Lineage

In matriarchal societies the descent of the generations is usually traced through the mother's side. Children get their title from their mother, and property is passed from the mother to the daughter.


Most patriarchal societies are patrilineal in nature, meaning the children carry the father’s last name, and property is passed from the father to the son and the children inherit the title of their father, and not of their mother.


Private Ownership 

The matriarchal approach emphasizes the private ownership (or the unimportance of ownership) by both, females and males of the society, of household items, religious or sacred items. 


The patriarchal approach has rested on the idea of only the males having a right to private ownership. Accordingly, they not only own physical, mobile, and immobile property, such as money, house, land, etc., but also own people, which include one's wife, children, and slaves.


Views about Nature

The matriarchal system is nature-oriented. The matriarchs regard nature as an organic whole, and lay emphasis on maintaining its balance at all times. Owing to this, those sources of energy, which do not harm nature in any way are used more (sun, wind, water, etc.). (NOTE: Indigenous efforts to protect water from gas and oil lines. Indigenous societies as far as I know tend towards the matriarchal. CR) Conservation and recycling of resources are considered important, in order to maintain the balance of nature.


On the other hand, the patriarchal system is consumer-oriented. The patriarchs believe that nature has immense resources, which can be used by humans, in order to make profits. Accordingly, nature is considered as a thing to be exploited, and often, non-recyclable resources are used up, leaving by-products that can be harmful for natural balance.


Outlook

The matriarchal society is pretty liberal when it comes to research and experimentation. It is open to change tending to have a holistic approach of looking at things, allowing personal experience and observation to play a very important role in social progress.


On the contrary, the patriarchal society has a very conservative outlook. They do not seem to be very open to change at all times, and also tend to discourage research and experimentation, if they pose a threat to the established norms. They believe in dissection rather than observation, and have a pretty rational approach of looking at things.


(Sounds almost more like two political parties. CR)


Philosophy and World View

The matriarchs look at the world as a harmonious whole. They believe in the idea of several entities coming together in harmony, and facilitating the smooth functioning of the universe. Owing to this, concepts are founded on the basis of perfect balance between two different (and often, opposite) entities. The matriarchal societies also believe in complete union of people with God and nature. 


Patriarchy place different entities of the universe in parallel with each other, such that the two separate entities can never meet, like they do in the matriarchal system. 


For example, God is separate from man, body from the spirit, and so on. It also places certain entities in opposition with each other, possibly in order to lay out the moral code of conduct. 


Patriarchs make a comparison between good and evil, heaven and hell, and so on. Rather than accepting that both opposing entities can exist together, it always attempts either to dismiss or nullify one of them. (Which political party? CR)


Religious System

The matriarchal religion is also pantheistic in nature, believing in the omnipresence and omnipotence of the Goddess and Her oneness with universe and nature.


The patriarchal religion is monotheistic (worship of only one God or entity). Here, gods essentially have a hierarchy, with the major ones occupying a more important place than the lesser ones. Moreover, the male gods are principal divinities, and the mother goddesses are worshiped as their consorts.


Accessibility of the Divinities

In the matriarchal religion, the goddesses often dwell in places easily accessible to humans, such as caves, wells, springs, etc. They are approachable to anyone and everyone, who can worship them out in the open, without any hurdle.


In the patriarchal religion, on the contrary, the gods reside in places where humans cannot reach at all, or very rarely, if ever. These include mountaintops, clouds, fire, and so on. Because humans cannot reach their gods themselves, the patriarchal religion incorporates a number of middlemen or intermediaries in the form of priests, prophets, and/or godmen.


Nature of Worship

Worship in the matriarchal religion is extremely joyful and enjoyable. Every task that people perform is considered to be sacred.


In the patriarchal religion, worship is very serious. There are various myths of how men were cursed because of their wrong deeds. The main emphasis of the patriarchal religion is always on the appeasement of gods, rather than pure, selfless worship.  (Interesting. Are you spiritual to please God or are you spiritual because you celebrate the joy of life and serving others? CR)



Morality

Matriarchy is a very open social system, which does not have any hard and fast moral code of conduct that people are expected to follow. Morality, in matriarchy, is a very personal and  people are allowed to have their own way as long as they are not harming or disturbing others.


Patriarchy lays down a very strict moral code of conduct, which people are expected to follow, come what may. These rules are essentially governed by religion, government, etc. Patriarchy always seeks to teach people the difference between the good and bad, right and wrong, and so on. 


(I would also say, religious patriarchy uses guilt to control behavior where matriarchy allows for mistakes as the path for personal development. CR)


Sexual Orientation

A matriarchal society is often sexually open, and sex is regarded as a religious expression. Owing to this, all kinds of relationships―heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, etc.―are acceptable to the matriarchal society.


A patriarchal society is often sexually repressive. This is because sex here is considered to be of two kinds―one that is for procreation, in which case it is considered to be sacred, while the other one is lustful love, which is regarded to be sinful, and brings shame. Moreover, a patriarchal society essentially accepts only heterosexual relationships and is largely homophobic.




Virginity, Rape, and Illegitimacy

Because this kind of society is open with respect to sexual relationships, rapes do not or very rarely occur. Moreover, a mother always knows her children, and so, there is no question of illegitimacy.


Female virginity, in patriarchal societies, occupies a very prominent place, and is considered to be a virtue, mainly because society is not very open about sexual relationships. Rape is often used as a brutal expression of power and control over the weaker sex. Possibility of illegitimate children is very high in patriarchal society because the father does not always know his children.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hello, it's me again. 


Of course, Matriarchy never ceased, and can be seen simply within the differences in political parties. Democrats often focus on the well being of the people, Republicans often focus on the well being of the power structure. Even regionally, people as a whole see the world more in one way than another.


But one thing is certain. In justice, this country has always taken a hard patriarchal positions. Judgement is a word that would not exist in a matriarchy. And in matriarchal societies, such as Native reservations in this country, there is huge bundle to learn from in the pursuit of justice, in a restorative way that has minimal recidivism. 


Discipline is patriarchal. Loving supportive re-integration into society is Matriarchal.



There seems to be a swing towards matriarchy in our society, most notably in that we currently have a man and a woman in the highest offices in the country.  


That's important because this movement should never be about men versus women. 


Matriarchy is simply a different style. Obama and Bernie Sanders were matriarchal men. Women like Kellyanne Conway and Kristi Noem are patriarchal.  


The universe created men and women because each one lacks what the other has. A world that marries the best of both, that does not create a war of one against the other but recognizes the wisdom of each, is what is needed. An openness between the styles whereby both can be considered in every important decision, such as "Do we use tear gas on protesters?" NO. "Do we imprison people who need help?" NO.  "Do we allow our police to kill people?" NO.


But we do need to provide alternatives, and those choices will come easiest from the guts of Matriarchy. But first, the patriarchy has to accept it, and therein lies the problem. Brute force has been the way, and everyone knows we now need a new way.


THIS is where the ultimate in Feminism must lead, into a more nurturing society.  


Feminism should not only be about women reaching the same professional level as men. Feminism MUST be about recognizing the importance of women's inherent qualities. When the more accepting, less restrictive, less punitive, more diverse opinions of our population are recognized, then we will be moving towards the Matriarchy. 



Or not? What are your thoughts. 


See ya next time. 

Sunday, April 18, 2021

Can Police Practice Love Instead of Intimidation?



Why do some police lack calm or a steady demeanor when encountering “a person of interest”? I’d say it’s because compassion and love haven’t been a concern of the American justice system for a long time, if ever.


There’s no love in Juvenile Justice, where parents of color worry about their children getting sucked into the Pipeline To Prison — and if you don’t know about it, a 2006 complaint against the Winner School System, filed by Lakota parents in South Dakota, is a very good example. 


In that school, Native American children had been treated badly by teachers, coaches and white students. Some children were removed from school by law enforcement, incarcerated without telling their parents. Some of their offenses included pushing in the lunch line and being accused of actions they hadn’t done. Some of their parents waited days before the school told them where their children were, and by then, the children had already been processed into the juvenile justice system and the parents couldn’t get them out.


Judgement, not love, has been America’s guiding principle and it is strange to me that a country that is primarily Christian systematically re-enforces punishment and death rather than love and compassion.


These days, I would expect most people want a change in the way police deal with intense situations. The numbers of death by police has become impossible to ignore. In 2017 and 2020, 457 white people were killed by police. African Americans, who are approximately only 14 percent of Americans saw half as many deaths: 223 in 2017 and slightly higher at 241 in 2020. Half as many deaths in only 14% of the population is also impossible to ignore, especially since George Floyd was martyred in front of the entire nation. 


These horrors have been magnified to the point where even people living in the whitest communities in American cannot ignore this anymore, and Thank God for that, because it has been going on forever. Killing minorities has been a national tradition since the country was founded and has been ignored ever since. Now, America’s police have become the scary bad guys.


Have you ever heard of Death By Police? There are certain states where, when someone wants to die, all they have to do is antagonize a police officer and they are assured a hasty death by gunshot.


In my opinion, fear (or hate, based on fear) of minorities is the basis of much of the problem. White Americans, especially in segregated areas, imagine people of color are angry or dangerous. Perhaps that’s because if anyone had treated their ancestors or their children so meanly or rudely, they too might hate and seek vengeance. 


Perhaps they fear poor people might steal. White fear might mean that deep down, white people know they have done a lot wrong, and if not them specifically, then America in general. They know people of color have a lot to be angry about. 


And yet, I have found in my life that is untrue. People of color I meet are never angry towards me. Instead, I treat everyone with a smile and a handshake and I approach everyone I meet with love. Love thrives easily when there is no fear. 


In the last twenty-five years, I have lived among people who look nothing like me. My life is infinitely better for repeatedly finding my white self in the minority.


I had to overcome fear but I did it with a smile. 


Many years ago, I found myself walking down a city street late at night. I was a young 26 years old and mine was the only white face in sight. It was just me and my expensive Nikon camera. I turned a corner and walked a ways, a little nervous, anxious to reach my car ahead. 


A group of young men, far darker in complexion than myself, approached me and seemed to glare menacingly at me. I did the one thing I knew how to do to protect myself. I lifted my camera to my face, smiled and said, “Hey, you guys! Strike a pose!”  


And they did! They cracked up and made silly smiling faces, and we all laughed and went on our way.


Decades later, I moved into a very diverse community. I decided to smile and greet everyone I encountered. Within weeks, all of my neighbors, including gang-bangers in low riding, bouncing cars, honked, waved and smiled at me as they passed on the street. It was delightful. 


When people have never lived in a diverse situation or find themselves as a minority for the first time, they may be fearful of what they don’t know. All they know is what they have seen on television, even if they believe in equality for all.


My smile experiment continued into California. I moved onto a street where whites and Hispanics ignored each other as if they were invisible. I smiled whenever I strolled and quickly saw the beginnings of upturned mouths of passing neighbors. Before I knew it people were full-on smiling at me when they saw me in the street. Here, however, there was also a language barrier. No one my age spoke English, but the children did.


I hosted a Day of the Dead cookie and hot chocolate party for the kids after the Halloween Parade on Main Street. It was a hit. Before long, I was invited to the Saturday night carne asadas (barbecues) and the children were nonstop visitors in my home. 


There were gang members in that neighborhood. To me, they were just big kids with giant smiles, always polite and respectful to me. When my daughter came to visit, she was terrified when we encountered them on a darkly lit street. I promised her that we were not the enemies, not targets, not the oppressors. These were just neighborhood kids and I was their neighbor. 


One time, I was sitting on my porch and those boys were playing cards at a picnic table in the park across the way. I read my book as they sat in the park for hours, killing time on a hot summer day. A police officer came by and asking the kids if he could search them. They had done nothing wrong but they allowed the police to search them. They handcuffed one boy when they found marijuana, but he produced a medical card for his prescription and they removed the cuffs. 


Another time, I came around the corner on my street and saw the police had lined the boys against the wall of a building and were searching them all. The officers were tense and yelled at me when I asked what was going on. They acted like they were at a crime scene; all edgy, jumpy and snappy. They were yelling. Seriously, they acted as if they could kill someone. 


A young man in his late 20s left his home across the street holding the hand of his four-year-old son, and the police called him to stand against the wall with the teens to be searched. The officer was very stern with the boys, even though, as it turned out, nothing had actually happened. A neighbor had complained that the boys were wearing black t-shirts and she feared violence was about to burst out.


A few nights later, I saw all those boys sitting in the park and I printed out instructions from the American Civil Liberties Union website about how to deal with the police when stopped and questioned. 


One instruction said to ask the officer if they were under arrest and if not, were they free to go. One large teen looked at me in earnest and said, “But Miss. You don’t understand, they pull us out of the car and slam us to the ground before we can say anything.”


My heart was pretty broken by that.


Listen, I know those boys weren’t always innocent, but did the police officers help them with constant unnecessary nitpicking, needless searches, humiliating a young man in front of his tiny son? Did it ever build relationship with them? No. For sure it did not. It seemed to me the police believed instilling fear was a positive goal. My heart was pretty broken by that, too. 


A few years later, the police addressed a community meeting saying they wanted to install cameras because there had been an increase in crime on the street. We neighbors knew it was virtually always committed by outsiders. Almost everyone had been effected but no one on that street would rob anyone else. There was just too much love between neighbors who shared everything, anyway.


The police said the cameras were forthcoming, like it or not, and neighbors asked why the only time the police visited the street was to drive through slowly with flashing lights, as if to intimidate everyone. One woman asked the police to stop their Arrest Training Program of sirens, loudspeakers, and bull horns so close to our homes. She said everytime she heard them it was traumatizing, and it went on for hours. Everytime they did it, she feared for her children. People asked, “Why don’t the police come around and get to know the neighborhood? Why did they seem to want to scare everyone?”


The Chief of Police replied, “We’ll come around more but there may be more arrests if we do.”


That summed up the problem, right there. The neighbors knew they were being targeted by outside criminals but the police assumed the neighborhood was riddled with crime because it was poor and of color. That was their evidence.


One time, after a Trump rally in town, a car came through our streets and shot up the neighborhood. I ducked as the car passed my house but I had seen the fire from the bullets leaving the gun. Another time, at about 2 am, I stood in dark of my living room and saw two women case the neighborhood for bikes, tools, even my flower pots. I let them know I was watching and they got in their car and drove away.


If the police are only looking for the worst, they will find it or imagine they did, or worse, they will create it. If people assume the best about others, if they do not approach people with unnecessary power struggles, judgement or fear, they would find it much easier to diffuse the situation.


After that community meeting, a couple of officers began to come around and join the carne asadas, and they even brought gifts for the kids (which went slightly overboard). The overall feeling between community members and those officers saw a big change for the better. They were welcomed into the community and one of those officers made a beeline for our community when there was a problem, while the rest of the police force ignored it. He had started to care about the people he had begun to know.


Years ago, relations improved in Montana when police officers of different races were partnered together. Depending on each other, getting to know their stories, home lives, senses of humor, maybe even sharing home cooked specialties, caused a feeling of humanity and respect, even a touch of love for each other. 


Love in Practice supports well being. Fear, ignorance, misunderstandings, simple lack of friendship, can result in a tension overload. If a young man in a car is resisting arrest: Officers! Take a break and step back. Assess the situation, listen to the person in the car, and CALM DOWN. Tell the person — and believe it yourself — there is no reason to get all upset because right now, every televised police encounter seems to be a life or death situation. That is scary for all involved!!!


Very recently, I encountered a black woman who believed I was threatening her freedom due to circumstances caused by someone I knew. She attacked me with a hammer, chasing me down the stairs when I had come to visit her to try to clear the air.


A few days later, I saw something I thought her children would like, and as a peace offering, I brought it to her house. She came outside when I called upstairs, “I thought your kids would like this.”


She came down and looked in my eyes. Her shoulders relaxed. She looked me in the eye and apologized for the hammer incident. I knew it must have been hard for her to do, and I offered her a pandemic-style air hug. The next time she saw me and my friend who had incited her rage, she told us she wanted to get along, that she loved us and we told her we loved her, too. 


I knew she had to have suffered horribly in her life to have acted that way, and I forgave her. I didn’t give up. I came back with an open heart and we all lived happily ever after.


Drug addicts, drunks, gangs and criminals, I know I am safe with them all. I accept them and I don’t fear them, and I love them for the hardship of their journeys. I offer them a lack of judgement and compassion. You may think change by a smile is simplistic, but I challenge you to smile at your crankiest neighbor and watch the changes begin. It never fails me.


Police: What ever happened to the police trained in talking someone off of a bridge? Aren’t there time tested actions to reduce stress? In every case, treating people with Love and Respect under all situations is a place to begin and if you don’t know how, just smile the next time you pull someone over so they aren’t fearing for their life. It’s a start. 


Our justice system needs serious training in PRACTICING LOVE. Keep Calm and Love Your Neighbors. 


Christina Rose